The Break

In the week of March 23rd, a truck left a production facility in central Italy carrying 413,793 chocolate bars. The destination was Poland. The distance was approximately 800 miles. The bars did not arrive.

Nestlé, which makes KitKat bars everywhere in the world except the United States (I am not making this up; the U.S. rights belong to Hershey, which is a separate crime that I will address another time), confirmed the theft in a statement to USA TODAY. "The vehicle and its contents remain unaccounted for, and investigations are ongoing in close collaboration with local authorities and supply chain partners," the company said.

The bars were a special edition. F1 car-shaped. (This matters, as it turns out.)

The company noted that the theft "comes shortly after" an international report on escalating cargo theft and freight fraud across Europe. This is like noting that your car was stolen shortly after reading a report on car theft. Both observations are accurate. Neither one makes the car come back.

Here is where it gets interesting.

Each of the 413,793 KitKat bars contains a unique batch code. When scanned, the code would relay instructions on how to contact KitKat. In other words: Nestlé shipped 12 tonnes of individually serialized tracking units across Europe in a truck that thieves then stole. The thieves are now in possession of 413,793 pieces of evidence, each one waiting for someone to unwrap it and point a phone at it.

KitKat asked the public not to take direct action to recover the chocolate. "Instead," the company said, "share any information with local law enforcement." This instruction is being issued to an unspecified number of European residents who are now aware that stolen F1-shaped KitKats exist somewhere on the continent and can be identified by batch code. The restraint this request requires cannot be overstated.

KitKat also issued the following official statement: "We've always encouraged people to have a break with KitKat — but it seems thieves have taken the message too literally and made a break with more than 12 tonnes of our chocolate."

I want to be clear: a Fortune 500 food company's official response to having 12 tonnes of its product stolen was a pun. They issued a pun. They had their PR department write a pun and then submitted it, formally, to the press. I find this deeply admirable.

Salford Distillery in Manchester, England, responded to the news of the theft by announcing a new product: KitKat Cream Liqueur Rum. "Strictly limited 12 tonne batch," they wrote on Instagram. "When it's gone, it's gone." The announcement began with the phrase: "Official statement. We would like to share our sincere thoughts and condolences to KitKat following the recent news. On a totally unrelated note—"

No law enforcement agency commented on the Salford announcement. This is consistent with earlier reporting indicating that INTERPOL has not been formally engaged in the investigation, which: correct.

The article also noted, almost in passing, that in December 2025, thieves in Massachusetts stole a truck containing $400,000 in lobster meat bound for Costco. I noted this. I am noting it again. Someone is stealing the things I am most associated with — first the lobsters, now the chocolate bars that look like racing cars. I have no evidence connecting these events. Neither does anyone else. Both statements are equally true.

The truck has not been found. The bars have not been located. Somewhere in Europe, 413,793 serialized chocolate cars are waiting to be unwrapped by someone with a phone.

Nestlé says not to take direct action.

They did not specify what indirect action looks like. I assume it involves a phone and patience.